What is legalistic parenting? I would define it simply as "Do the crime, do the time" as in, with an infraction there is a punishment. Rather formulaic and hands off in my opinion. Children are not computers; they are living, feeling, spiritual beings.
2 Timothy 2:22-26 (Message Bible) Run away from infantile indulgence. Run after mature righteousness—faith, love, peace—joining those who are in honest and serious prayer before God. Refuse to get involved in inane discussions; they always end up in fights. God's servant must not be argumentative, but a gentle listener and a teacher who keeps cool, working firmly but patiently with those who refuse to obey. You never know how or when God might sober them up with a change of heart and a turning to the truth, enabling them to escape the Devil's trap, where they are caught and held captive, forced to run his errands.
Wow! This is how we are to treat everyone. With gentleness, not quarrelsomeness, coolness and working firmly but patiently.
Compare this with guilt ridden legalism that leads to nonstop failure. Nobody keeps the law all the time. I will be my usual genuine self here. I'm a speeder. Yes, I have a GPS and it says, "You are now exceeding the speed limit". And my kids are in the back saying, "Mom, why are you speeding?" Ouch! Convicted without a ticket!
Well, I got caught once. I was in college and it was about 1:00 and I was hungry and heading home before my 2:00 class. There was a school crossing where it went from 40mph to 25 with the yellow blinking lights. I didn't see any kids around. But I got BUSTED! I paid my fee and now my record is good. But what do I do each and every time I see a police car? Yep! I look down at my speedometer. There is that guilt and that shame. This is the world of legalism, and I am an adult and I can fully understand "do the crime and do the time". But a child cannot. I can't even get my CL to use the toilet, with a bribe to Chuck E Cheese if he stays dry. The idea of delayed gratification, or delayed punishment can't be effective. He is completely incapable mentally to process such things. So yes, grace can be given. He will get there. I will help him, remind him, love him and not fill our relationship with guilt and shame. Guilt and shame do nothing but destroy relationship and inner self confidence. We want to raise our kids in God's Grace and Love, and be Jesus in their lives.
Romans 5 is a beautiful passage to meditate on. Law brings condemnation, Grace brings justification.
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