Playing with Fire

I had an interesting conversation today with 2 women. 1 was a follower of the Pearl's discipline model. Another a punitive adoptive mother. The Pearl's follower said that the reviews on "To Train a Child" on Amazon were not good and true according to what Michael Pearl wrote. She said that "he says that if a child is trying to touch fire, you have to hit their hand" and that just makes sense. So I have been thinking about this. Is this true?

What I would do if I saw my child looking at fire, is I would go to them, get down on their level, and hold them close to me with my mouth by their ear. In more of a cuddling fashion. I would say something like, "Let's look at the fire. Isn't it pretty? It's so interesting! See how it burns and destroys the wood? It is a different thing than you have ever seen, and it would burn you and hurt you like it is destroying the wood. So, wow! It's so interesting!!! But goodness, we must not go near it. We can watch it together."

If it was a stove fire, I would be sure to have safety knobs if they were near the child's reach. And if there was nothing else, and I saw that they were unable to control themselves, then you just can't trust the kiddo being near the fire. If they have no self control, how would you think that hitting their hand would somehow create in them the abilty to have self control? Self Control is the goal right? Not just mindless obedience to never touch fire. You would want your children to know about fire and know that it's something a child or an adult shouldn't play with, put stuff in, or touch. What good, and I mean in true discipleship and teaching a child the way they should go manner, is it by hitting their hand when it gets near fire. In real life, nobody will be there to hit their hand when it gets near fire. There has to be true teaching, not just punishment. So Michael Pearl, I disagree with you again.

And to speak out against other stereotypes of nonspankers, no we aren't all angry and yelling all the time. I show an example above. And I shared with the 2 ladies today that I don't get angry. I mostly use natural consequences. Like if my kid spills their milk, I don't even have to say anything to the 4 oldest, they know where the appropriate cloths are to clean it up. It's automatic. It's real life. And I don't yell, or say anything for that matter.

And another being that just because you don't use corporal punishment that you do have standards in which you run your house. The kids don't run amuck and destroy the home and all that is in it, they don't live on popsicles, they don't speak with disrespect, they don't go without baths, etc. You can easily parent and not hit. It does take more effort, but it can be done. Believe it!

And to the adoptive punitive mom, hitting your child when they can't understand their school work doesn't work. They don't have the ability and if they are so freaked out they can't think. Imagine being in a burning building and someone is calling you to give you a recipe and yelling at you, "Don't you want my recipe?!!?!! Are you not listening to me?! I make the effort to call you because you wanted this and now you won't even listen to me." Imagine, a wooden spoon over your head and trying to figure schoolwork out. After you have already been through enough abuse and neglect!

I mostly wanted to listen and interject where I thought I would make the most difference. Sometimes when people are on a track it takes a lot to get them off and it's the Holy Spirit's job to show them the way. I think they got where I come from and if nothing else I hope to open doors to help them with ideas on how to truly teach your children, the hard way...the effective way.