Forgiveness

So an area of my life that I don't talk about, and unless you knew me in my late college years or early career...I was previously married. My exhusband cheated on me and wanted out. So even though I meant my promises, I could do nothing. And once his mistress was pregnant...It was over.

So fast forward through many years. I am happily married to PD. We are blessed beyond what I planned for in 5 great kids. God has me on a ride and I will get off when He calls.

And now things have been coming up from the past. About 4 months ago I got a Facebook friend request from my ex's soon to be 3rd wife. Interesting...Why would I want to be a part of that at this point? I just clicked "ignore". Good luck to you both. It's sad!

A few days ago I searched through my group messages on Facebook and I find a note from my ex's mistress turned 2nd wife. We are catching up in a most bizarre way. What really happened on my end, which is all a surprise to her. She was incredibly lied to. We are still PMing and catching up. The constant sin. They had 2 kids together and they are the biggest losers here. And...she apologized.

So, what does a Christian do? I mean, she destroyed a holy union. God hates divorce. There is a stigma with divorce, but we have to not stigmatize everyone. He is obviously a train wreck constantly causing pain. I was misled. She was misled. Two lil girls have their daddy every other weekend, when they should have him constantly. And now another woman!

So, what does a Christian do? I mean, she caused a lot of pain in my life. I made promises to God and man, and she was a part of what caused some of this pain.

So, what does a Christian do? I seriously should hate this woman.

John 8
2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

11 “No one, sir,” she said.

“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”




Alright, let it all go. She apologized, and I have accepted. It has been very healing. I have had a lot of evil hatred in my heart for years against this woman and what she did, and I don't think I fully knew I still was angry. But it's gone now. It's all in the past, the way past. She apologized, and recognizes how foolish and niave she was. She wanted to confirm the truth. And oh, I LOVE truth! And she confirms the same thing happened to her. And she warned #3, who chose not to listen. Not much else I can do at this point, but forgive.

Eph 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Oh, that gets to me! How can I hold a grudge? How can I vilify her in my heart?

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

I must do the same. I am a Christian, a follower of Christ, trying to live like Christ did. Even though I am imperfect.

Col 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Ya know I didn't really know that I held on to some of this. I am so blessed where I am at. But our discussions, and just the mere fact that she wrote me, brings me back to the pain I felt. It has brought some waterworks on for sure.




So we will continue to chat. Maybe become "friends". Who knows? We have some things in common that's for sure.

I am God's gift to the world, and the world doesn't deserve me.

I am not PhenomoMom due to any doing of my own. God uses me on a daily basis to make a difference in His plans. John Piper's video hits on so many issues I have dealt with in our adoption, and life beyond that. It's all God and His righteousness, and my FAITH in Him.

Chicken Lo Mein

I am loving this recipe! A sweet neighbor brought me a recipe for Chicken Lo Mein a month or two after our Chinese Princess joined our family. The poor girl didn't know how to eat, so we tried everything. She had thought "Maybe Chinese food..." I have changed a few things, and amped it up with more flavor and veggies. And it's delicious!


Chicken Lo Mein
1/2 lb whole wheat spaghetti noodles
1 lb boneless, skinless Chicken breast cut into small strips
1 cup Asian Toasted Sesame Dressing (Kraft)
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 celery stalks, diced
1 red pepper, diced
1 cup frozen corn
1 cup peas
2 cups chicken broth
3/4 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup soy sauce
dry roasted peanuts

1. Cook Spaghetti
2. Fry chicken until it begins to brown, add in dressing and veggies
3. Add broth, peanut butter and soy sauce; simmer until sauce is desired consistency and veggies are desired tenderness
4. Drain noodles, return to pan. Add chicken/veggie mixture and combine.
5. Serve with dry roasted peanuts sprinkled over top

Variations: Add any veggie! Broccoli is good too. Sprinkle with cilantro or green onion.

It's a pretty dish with all those veggies. And the kids love it! The peanut butter is odd, but it makes it so good!

Could you be wrong? Like me. Or just not know?

God has specially equipped me with all of the tools I need to parent my five blessings. But sometimes, I get a curveball, and sometimes I completely blow it.

We have one adopted daughter that has been through more than anyone should have to in a lifetime. We have behavioral issues, and our relationship takes constant work. One day my van key some how came off of my key ring. You know the cheap, bendy one that is from the dealership that everyone should take it off of right away. :) Well, some how it came off, and it was lost. She claimed she took it, but she wouldn't or couldn't tell me where it was. I tried all sorts of parenting tricks from playful parenting, to sitting wondering out loud where it could have gone, to looking everywhere possible for it. I had to call a locksmith to make me a key, which I didn't think they could do when you don't have a key. But voila! $150 later we had 2 new keys. You know just in case... The next day I found the key in the baby's carseat in the van. How did it get there? I have NO IDEA!!!!! But gosh what damage I could have done if I would have physically punished her. It would have driven a wedge between all the hard work we have done. And I am not sold on the idea that she did anything at all.

And that's not the only time this has happened.

Today we went to the docs as we are on day 11 of a GI problem for 1 of the kids. I will spare the details. My 5 year old boy started running around and being a little crazy. I told the doc (a military doc), that daddy was gone and he has the hardest time when they are apart, that he needed to play the way men play with boys, kind of rough; wrestling, superman, jumping on each other backs. Those things that mama can't do with a baby on the hip too often, yet I do sometimes. So the doc took him and flipped him over his leg as we talked about how to beat this personal problem. He patted him, rubbed him, stretched him. It was great I thought....Boy was I wrong! My boy started going crazy. Kicking, screaming, scratching, spitting...it was outrageous!!! I thought gosh, most parents would take that boy and give him a good ol' fashioned spanking if they saw this behavior. A tech had to pin his arms and legs down to get him out to the van. I was thankful for the help, yet oh so embarassed. But I was all WRONG!!!

I had to wrestle him to get him into his carseat. He got out and screamed, jumped, and then came running up to the front of the van. He kept saying, "I need to talk to you!" I kept saying, "Tell me. I am here." He was in my arms with both of his wrapped around my head. He sobbed. It was hard to figure it out, but I finally got it. He misunderstood the rough play from the doc. He thought he was purposefully trying to hurt him. And if that wasn't bad enough, I sat there and didn't protect him. He verbalized this all. I had tears flowing down my face, and I couldn't stop them for an hour. Now, they flow again. I let him down. Even through a misunderstanding, I should have been the one to protect him, and in his eyes I let him down.

He said he wanted to apologize to everyone and show good Godly behavior, but everyone kept grabbing him. He felt violated. He said things like, "Everyone is teasing me." And, "Everyone is holding me down." Oh, I wish this could be all done over again.

It is hard for him every time daddy is gone. This completely reinforces why boys need their daddies. Mommies can't be Daddies, as God gifts each differently in unique roles. And I can't be Daddy. He is an independent lil boy, and has a strong leadership characteristic; and he was pulled from that and wasn't able to get himself into control due to his fear. I have apologized 100 times, reinforcing that I want to always protect him and always free him up to exhibit Godly behavior.

But, gosh, what if I would have spanked him. Would this connection been made? Would I have a remote idea what is going on in his little heart? Would I think he was just insane? Would I know how to stop this the next time? Would I be encouraging him in his spiritual walk? Would there have been a lesson for him on how to conduct himself?

So yes..I messed up. I missed it completely! But I think I pulled it out in the end. Sometimes you don't know the whole story, just like me. And it is oh so important to really know the whole story, beyond what you see and what you think. It is important to focus on the end result, and helping them grow in their character.

Time to get bloggin'.

I have a million things on my mind and I really need to get back to blogging. If I can get my words out, then maybe I can better organize my brain and continue growing to be the person God plans for me to be. Stay tuned! I will try to organize this mess in my head, and get something new here.