Could you be wrong? Like me. Or just not know?

God has specially equipped me with all of the tools I need to parent my five blessings. But sometimes, I get a curveball, and sometimes I completely blow it.

We have one adopted daughter that has been through more than anyone should have to in a lifetime. We have behavioral issues, and our relationship takes constant work. One day my van key some how came off of my key ring. You know the cheap, bendy one that is from the dealership that everyone should take it off of right away. :) Well, some how it came off, and it was lost. She claimed she took it, but she wouldn't or couldn't tell me where it was. I tried all sorts of parenting tricks from playful parenting, to sitting wondering out loud where it could have gone, to looking everywhere possible for it. I had to call a locksmith to make me a key, which I didn't think they could do when you don't have a key. But voila! $150 later we had 2 new keys. You know just in case... The next day I found the key in the baby's carseat in the van. How did it get there? I have NO IDEA!!!!! But gosh what damage I could have done if I would have physically punished her. It would have driven a wedge between all the hard work we have done. And I am not sold on the idea that she did anything at all.

And that's not the only time this has happened.

Today we went to the docs as we are on day 11 of a GI problem for 1 of the kids. I will spare the details. My 5 year old boy started running around and being a little crazy. I told the doc (a military doc), that daddy was gone and he has the hardest time when they are apart, that he needed to play the way men play with boys, kind of rough; wrestling, superman, jumping on each other backs. Those things that mama can't do with a baby on the hip too often, yet I do sometimes. So the doc took him and flipped him over his leg as we talked about how to beat this personal problem. He patted him, rubbed him, stretched him. It was great I thought....Boy was I wrong! My boy started going crazy. Kicking, screaming, scratching, spitting...it was outrageous!!! I thought gosh, most parents would take that boy and give him a good ol' fashioned spanking if they saw this behavior. A tech had to pin his arms and legs down to get him out to the van. I was thankful for the help, yet oh so embarassed. But I was all WRONG!!!

I had to wrestle him to get him into his carseat. He got out and screamed, jumped, and then came running up to the front of the van. He kept saying, "I need to talk to you!" I kept saying, "Tell me. I am here." He was in my arms with both of his wrapped around my head. He sobbed. It was hard to figure it out, but I finally got it. He misunderstood the rough play from the doc. He thought he was purposefully trying to hurt him. And if that wasn't bad enough, I sat there and didn't protect him. He verbalized this all. I had tears flowing down my face, and I couldn't stop them for an hour. Now, they flow again. I let him down. Even through a misunderstanding, I should have been the one to protect him, and in his eyes I let him down.

He said he wanted to apologize to everyone and show good Godly behavior, but everyone kept grabbing him. He felt violated. He said things like, "Everyone is teasing me." And, "Everyone is holding me down." Oh, I wish this could be all done over again.

It is hard for him every time daddy is gone. This completely reinforces why boys need their daddies. Mommies can't be Daddies, as God gifts each differently in unique roles. And I can't be Daddy. He is an independent lil boy, and has a strong leadership characteristic; and he was pulled from that and wasn't able to get himself into control due to his fear. I have apologized 100 times, reinforcing that I want to always protect him and always free him up to exhibit Godly behavior.

But, gosh, what if I would have spanked him. Would this connection been made? Would I have a remote idea what is going on in his little heart? Would I think he was just insane? Would I know how to stop this the next time? Would I be encouraging him in his spiritual walk? Would there have been a lesson for him on how to conduct himself?

So yes..I messed up. I missed it completely! But I think I pulled it out in the end. Sometimes you don't know the whole story, just like me. And it is oh so important to really know the whole story, beyond what you see and what you think. It is important to focus on the end result, and helping them grow in their character.